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Back to square one

So there goes my love life....another wasted amost 10 years married. Life have to move on and be strong. I admit, it will not be easy. He move on and he is strong. No point of looking back. Let him be happy of what he wish for. Whatever people want to call me, let them be. I earn myself a living, not the others. That what I learn from my holiday.

Before I went for my holiday, he can even change his profile to single. Well, I never blame him because he saw me move on 1st. That what he claimed. But what am I chasing over him when he dont even see it? It normal for a human being to see your bad side (its sound so wrong...hahaha). He can say anything, just to make my heart sink back. I really hard to say goodbye but I have to. When a person love you, really love you, really love the relationship, that person will not care what you are and that person willing to wait for it and sacrifise for everything. Well, need to discuss 1st right....

I dont want to give him a bad name. For those single gerl out there, he will cont dating after me. (Laugh) Funny, he promise me last time that he will not date with any other gerl even though our relationship did not make it. Well, promise meant to be broken. Now I have to move on. Doesnt mean Im now afraid to trust others, doesnt it stop there.

I admit, alot of investment have been wasted on him but he doesnt look to property. He is nice n handsome. Many gerls chasing after him, after this relationship. Dating for me? hehehe it been a long time I never date. So can I consider as virgin gerl? hahahaha. Depend to people out there to judge me. Life have to continue and not to enjoy. Think when you are in the grave, nobody will help you except yourself. be strong guys n gals.

07 July 2009

Is the day that changing my life.. I'm starting my new environment job at Jurong as Operation Assistant. I'm still not stable yet coz its juz two days i was there. But i'm will make myself confident to serve a goal there. Its very touch job but i will try myself to cop it.. I had three friendly Assistand to assist me.. Both of them really help me out even thou both of them have to be patient teaching me and i understand they have a pending job to be done but have to delay coz of me... Pity them.. To my new collaugue suzie Meranti, Neng Ridawati and Roszalindawati.
Thank you so much, I promise to make up my mind and concentrate on this a.s.a.p... :-) heheheheh!!!!

10 things that i hate bout you

1. I hate you when you don wish to let me go.
2. I hate you when you say you still love me and wish our relationship be work out.
3. I hate you when you crash my heart and make it shattered.
4. I hate you when you adore me and be patient with me when Im angry.
5. I hate you when you tolerate your heart and reasonable within you and left me behind
6. I hate you when you whenyou cry for the sake of our love.
7. I hate you when you still treat me like before
8. I hate you when you still see us being together happily marriage.
9. I hate you when you pick up ur call in front of me and not being automatic to tell me who calls you.
10. Finally, I hate you when you really, truthly, deepy, in love with me.

Empty Promises

On 4 July, we meet again. I just cant stand his face anymore. I still remember when he say to me that he just dont want to lie to me and himself that there is another gerl in her heart and feeling. How can that be? If you really love that person, you cant think or had heart with another gerl. I just cant stand his face and his touch. I dont want to touch him anymore. I felt so dirty as I know that Im sharing feeling with another gerl.

I still remember that he give me a large promises that he only have me in his heart and feeling. What happened now? You give me empty promises. I cant trust you anymore. The spare had been stad deeply. Its not that you wish to wait till marriage. Its because you still had feeling with her. How could you playing with your words to me? Im so stupid that I had fall into his trap. This is unexplainable feeling. The issue is you had feeling with another gerl when you are in love with me. Damn shit you! What a Jerk! He just the same slut I had ever be with!

Now all your promises had shattered. There no way I can trust you now or to get over it. Totally none. No more chance for you. You can go with your new gerl. I will not turn back to face to you. This is my final say.

On 3rd July, both of us agreed with the sacrifise that we will make. Just for the sake of our two gerls. However, I felt something is not right. He went out with his ex-colleagues, that included guys and gals. Can I trust them? Is that his sacrifise that he made at this moment? How am I going to make my part of sacrifise? I don't see he really make any sacrifise. Yes, he will sacrifise the gerl that he in love, together his group but is he making another group of friends? Well, I think turst is the answer for this problem. Slowly, both of us had to make the trust to each other. He unwilling to let me go. He claimed he love me but I don't see he change like before. I don't think so we will like before. Either better or worse.

My part, I need to sacrifise of getting to know more friends. He just don't trust the people out there.He just want me to stay at home where as he going out updating himself out there. I'm not a person of staying indoors. This is not a threaten but if he want to go out with her group of friends, currently, I also need too. We suppose to date tomorow but before that I already make plans with my friends. I still going out with my friends. I'm so sorry but she have to wait like what he make me wait today.

We have to build this relationship again and now the construction of our dreams which had shattered, have to re-build. Times will answer for all of this.

I miss him... BUt wen i visit my two princess at his house.. And he was at home, my feeling is I HATE HIM and wanna kill him.

I miss him but i have to let him go....

On 30 Jun 2009, is my difficult decision that I ever make. He still talking to the gerl that she love or can I say he adore her much than me. I had to sacrifise for his happiness that is to let him go with the gerl. Cos the gerl will not take him unless he is single. I really want this married to be continue but I really cant get over it. I don want to share my love with some other gerl. I don want to sit inside his heart with some other gerl. Everytime I look at his face, I will see some shadow of the gerl beside him. He is suffering with me. Although he want me badly but his heart is still with the gerl. The gerl willing to take him as his special one. I cant stop thinking he with the gerl and its killing me silently. I had to move on. I had to let him go with the gerl. Yes, it will not be easy but I had to. No point staying with him but I see his face, suffering with me. Everytime we talk about the problem, he will console me and hug me. Its already show that I am a bad person. The gerl is so sincere and so truthful. She is meant for him. Sometime, those sweet moments just shattered in the drain like running water. Well, Im surprise that Im losing this war with some normal gerl. I admit that Im no a superwomen who can save the day. I had to move on and cot my life but it wldnt be the same like before. The impact is so hard and now I am afraid of myself. Gd luck with your new life and wish you happy with her. Take gd care of her. You too, normal gerl (Maia), take gd care of him. Dont force him to do something that he dont like. Take it easy and slowly. You need to explain to him and make him understand if you want him to do something.

Camelia Saharawee
Read my blog often,and you will know more about me.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

♥Ferra
♥Shikin
♥Ieqah
♥Alan Tan

♥February 2009
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♥August 2009

Hsiutorng ♥.