The opposite of me

Here goes again. The sick of love and mentally torture. He had his own thinking which I can't change his and I had my own thinking which he can't change me. Both of us just don't click. But why are we still staying together? Because of the love that we had so far and we can't leave each other. Or both of us stuck in the love life which we can't get out.

He was once had a feeling to a gerl, at the same time in love with me. Is his love is so powerful like mine? Then, why now he come back to me with no feeling to the gerl that he share her love? What happen to the feeling? Or he trying to backfire me?

I know I can't live without him and he can't live without me. But with the hatred and hurt is still there. He had alot of gerls waiting for him to be single and they will make the first move. I will be the one bitting my fingernails. If that the life have to be then, let it be. I know some guy who I had known trying their hard to save me. Just to say thank you so much for letting me stand back. But I can't just let him go. I had make promise to myself, not to him. You guy have to understand me. Its not the hope I had given to you but its the fallen trees that you had been gone through.

He have to keep all the contact of the gerl who still waiting for them. He wouldn't know they are still lining up for him and willing to wait. Like people say, girlfriend can break, enggage can broken and marriage can divorce. This is reality which he had not seen yet. I don't know what to do with his character. Most of friends gave me the same advice, "You stay with hin, you have to accept his secret life. If you feel hurt, then leave him alone. Even you have to kill yourselves." Well that is a good advice I will take.

Well, back to my old life with secret. I know I can't make him as my best friend, close friend and platonic friends. He still as status of Hubby. Even though his status is unknown in his facebook. Let other gerl take her heart and once he fall in love again, I will definately leave. To the guys who already run away from my life. Too bad if you think its all over. Seem that you also give up so easily on me. Is that what you call 'love to me'? I definately called it 'crush'

So don't love me and I will continue with my own path. My own path is my own plan for my own future. Now I just don't care about what he going to do. My mind is prepare that he will love another gerl and I leave him with tears and sorrow. None of the guys in this world can make me happy, incuding him.

p/s: S & S just a dream that wouldn't exist.

Miss my life

When life is good, you will feel life is like heaven. When life is bad, you feel like you want to kill yourself. That is the mystery of life. All of these is control by our emotion. We human can't manage our own emotions. Serious we can't because we are all not perfect. Sometime due to our emotion, we intend to repeat with our own mistakes.

I just miss my own life. Why is in this world, we can't have what we want? Why must there be sacrifises? Can't we have win win solution?

I don't what going on now and I just don't want to know it. I don't want to see my back. I just feel like walking forward with my eyes close. Alot of things I had seen before while I am walking the path. So it is painful for me to look back. Walking forward without looking back is not an easy task. Like I say, we are not perfect.

Life have to move forward. Sometime we do move forward but whether are crying while walking? Tell yourself that.

VIEW OF THE MARRINA BARRAGE

OUTING AT MARINA BARRAGE..... ENJOYING THE DAYS....

Please welcome.... My new Hair style.....

Back to square one

So there goes my love life....another wasted amost 10 years married. Life have to move on and be strong. I admit, it will not be easy. He move on and he is strong. No point of looking back. Let him be happy of what he wish for. Whatever people want to call me, let them be. I earn myself a living, not the others. That what I learn from my holiday.

Before I went for my holiday, he can even change his profile to single. Well, I never blame him because he saw me move on 1st. That what he claimed. But what am I chasing over him when he dont even see it? It normal for a human being to see your bad side (its sound so wrong...hahaha). He can say anything, just to make my heart sink back. I really hard to say goodbye but I have to. When a person love you, really love you, really love the relationship, that person will not care what you are and that person willing to wait for it and sacrifise for everything. Well, need to discuss 1st right....

I dont want to give him a bad name. For those single gerl out there, he will cont dating after me. (Laugh) Funny, he promise me last time that he will not date with any other gerl even though our relationship did not make it. Well, promise meant to be broken. Now I have to move on. Doesnt mean Im now afraid to trust others, doesnt it stop there.

I admit, alot of investment have been wasted on him but he doesnt look to property. He is nice n handsome. Many gerls chasing after him, after this relationship. Dating for me? hehehe it been a long time I never date. So can I consider as virgin gerl? hahahaha. Depend to people out there to judge me. Life have to continue and not to enjoy. Think when you are in the grave, nobody will help you except yourself. be strong guys n gals.

07 July 2009

Is the day that changing my life.. I'm starting my new environment job at Jurong as Operation Assistant. I'm still not stable yet coz its juz two days i was there. But i'm will make myself confident to serve a goal there. Its very touch job but i will try myself to cop it.. I had three friendly Assistand to assist me.. Both of them really help me out even thou both of them have to be patient teaching me and i understand they have a pending job to be done but have to delay coz of me... Pity them.. To my new collaugue suzie Meranti, Neng Ridawati and Roszalindawati.
Thank you so much, I promise to make up my mind and concentrate on this a.s.a.p... :-) heheheheh!!!!

Camelia Saharawee
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